Columbia Hunger Striker Yields To Lure of Food, Imperialism, Racism…

Alas, one of the intrepid Columbia hunger strikers has given in. How will they ever force Columbia to stop expanding, increase resources for minority centers, require more ethnic study courses, and make January sunnier with such lazy tactics. Especially now that a gourmand opposition group has mobilized – “Why We Act, Why We Eat,” whose mission is to “eat against a group that seems not to care for the well-being of its students or itself.”

All is not lost though. Several students continue the herculean fight and, in proof that no student idea is so foolish to fail to draw faculty enthusiasts, a professor has joined the strikers. The Sun reports:

On Thursday, a professor of Political Science at Barnard, Dennis Dalton, joined the strike. Mr. Dalton, 69, who studies Gandhi, said he would continue to teach classes while subsisting on orange juice and water, according to the student newspaper, the Columbia Spectator. “I want the core curriculum supplemented by writings on Gandhi, King, Malcolm X,” he said.

And you thought the hunger strike couldn’t become more ridiculous. I’d suggest the nutritive benefits of solar healing for the intrepid strikers. The practice promises “that after 9 months, one can eventually win a victory over hunger” simply by subsisting on the sun. If only the strikers had found out earlier. Their set of demands is sufficiently incoherent that they could easily additionally demand that the dining halls be replaced with a nutritive sun observatory. No one would bat an eye.

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